even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
