Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
