How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
