I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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