We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
