Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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