I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
