Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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