mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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