omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
