How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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