Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
