If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
