If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
