the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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