My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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