Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
