have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
