Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
