Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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