My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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