I want to make a zoo with you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
