The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
