You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
