I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
