If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
