So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
