He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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