I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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