So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
