"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
