This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
