Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
