White coat. Heels.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
