quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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