I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
