i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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