I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
