Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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