you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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