I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
