He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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