I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
