i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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