I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
