I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
