Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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