grandma shit on top of the toilet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
