where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
