I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
