He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
