There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
