They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
