Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
