u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
