guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
