hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
