I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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