SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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