can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
