Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
