this beer tastes like vomit already
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
