i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
