We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
