I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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