And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
