thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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