well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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