I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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