why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
