I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
