glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
