I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
