so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
