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Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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