wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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