I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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