do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
