please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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