Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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