we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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