she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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