Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
