Umm I'm too high to move.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
