around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
