True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
