Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
