this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
where are my eyebrows?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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