carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
