So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
