I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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