im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
