I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize