last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
this hospital has no fireball
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
