I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
